he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
