the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
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I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
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JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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