just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
