i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Dick very happy bro
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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