It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
