covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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