Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
