Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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