White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
