I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
