and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
