bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
