I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
