saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
