remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
