you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's rum buckets o'clock
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
