Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
