you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
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