she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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