1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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