So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
