I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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