Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Randomize
