dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
