My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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