I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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