So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
