well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
