I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
