found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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