your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
