i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
