Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
