So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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