my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
