Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
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he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
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She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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