PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
soo... how was my night?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
