Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
