I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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