Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
