He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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