It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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