I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
