Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
