Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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