The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
