My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
