So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
