I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
