Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
