he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
