How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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