His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
