Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
