his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
