You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
