I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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