your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
