You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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