Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize