Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
