Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
