Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
