those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
