You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
