Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
