Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize