Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
