Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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