A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
