I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I need to sanitize my soul.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
